I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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