I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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