Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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