I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
