How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
