New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
