trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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