I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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