he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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