I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
