How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize