you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
