theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
