just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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