In the future we'll all be gay
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
