i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
