His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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