Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sober January is a disaster.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
