i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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