We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
