it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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