I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize