some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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