the new term for farting is butt boxing.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
