Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
