He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
