so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
