saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
