It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
