Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize