dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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