I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
