so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
