I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
