No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
