Cold hands, warm shart.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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