Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
