We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
