i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
