I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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