Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
