I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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