I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
