Jerry, you need to find god
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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