put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
