Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
