He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
