dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
