woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
