I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?