I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying