Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY