Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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