I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every concussion has its silver lining
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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