I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize