So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
