The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
