Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
