I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
