take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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