i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would ride that face into the sunset
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
